I may have spoken too soon. Unfortunately, going Paleo has not made me invincible. I know—bummer. Right? I seem to have caught a cold.
Whatever these germs are, they have invaded my body and taken over. How do I know for sure, you ask? Well, the tell-tale sign whenever I’m sick is the sudden impulse to refer to my mom as “Bob.” There have been some other clues, though. Every single inch of me is sore and achy. My throat is red and scratchy and whenever I breathe too deeply I feel like my esophagus is collapsing. The glands on my neck (lymph nodes?) are swollen, which is no fun. Not only does it look like my neck has virtually disappeared, but I can’t rotate the darned thing from side to side. So, basically, if something interesting is happening off to the side of me, I have to move my entire torso to get a good look. No worries. It’s okay if you’re laughing. If it wasn’t happening to me, I’m sure it would be a comical sight.
In order to kick these germs to the curb I’ve been drinking lots of fluids, stocking up on Vitamin C, and taking some Theraflu. Here’s the challenge, though. What does every single person ever want to eat when they’re under the weather? Soup! Chicken Noodle Soup, right? Well, I can’t go crack open a can of Campbell’s, can I?! Nope. Whatever shall I do?
Make my own kick-ass Chicken Soup—that’s what!
Getting a cold (or whatever the hell I have) is no excuse for me to be un-Paleo. So, if you are Paleo and happen to be sick and you really need some chicken soup, I have some tips for you. Here is what you do:
1) Go find someone who likes you enough to do you a favor. If you can’t find anyone who likes you, grab anyone and pay them, instead.
2) Ask them to go to the nearest grocery store and buy the following items for you:
- 2 32 oz. containers of certified organic and free-range, minimally processed chicken broth or stock (8 cups liquid)
- 1 large organic white onion
- 5 or 6 large organic celery stalks (chopped ¼ inch thick)
- 5 or 6 organic carrots (chopped ¼ inch thick)
- 1 package of sliced organic mushrooms
- 1 large (or two small) organic zucchinis (chopped however you feel like it)
- 1 whole cooked rotisserie chicken (no salt or preservatives added, free-range/hormone free preferred) *** this ingredient is for the easy way, if you’d like to do things the hard way, cook the chicken on your own and use the carcass to make your own stock
- Garlic powder (1 ½ tbsp)
- Basil (1 tsp)
- Paprika (1 tsp)
- Salt and Pepper (to taste)
3) Food safety first: wash those grubby hands.
4) Pour both containers of broth into a large soup pot. Heat on high.
5) Start making your soup by preparing your veggies. Wash them thoroughly and start chopping. If you are weakened from your cold, enlist someone to chop for you. We do not need any missing fingers in your soup. Add vegetables and spices to your broth. Mix thoroughly. Cover and bring to a boil.
6) Reduce heat to a low simmer. While your soup is simmering, start preparing the chicken. Remove the skin and discard. Break chicken meat into smaller pieces with your fingers. Once all of the meat is collected and you’re sure there are no bones left, stir the chicken into your soup.
7) Give your soup a quick taste-test to be sure you have the flavor right (make sure you use a clean spoon when you’re testing—you don’t want to contaminate the whole pot with your sick germs). Adjust accordingly.
8) Leave the soup simmering on low for about an hour.
9) Eat and enjoy your delicious, healthy Paleo soup with no guilt at all.
10) Feel better soon! And hopefully our nasal passages will clear up long enough to stop referring our poor mothers as “Bob!”