Making Baby Sonne: IVF Round 2

I’m not ok (right now) and that’s ok.

On May 20th, a minuscule droplet of fluid that contained our beautiful embryo was transferred “home” back into my body via catheter. For ten days I went on with my life with the warm and wonderful hope that our baby was growing inside of me. However, about 6 hours ago, I received a call from a nurse whose tone alone while saying, “Is this Nicole?” told me everything I needed to know.

My second round of IVF has failed. I did everything I was supposed to do and it didn’t work. My uterus and lining were “perfect” and it didn’t work. I took my shots, pills, patches, gels, and vitamins as instructed and it didn’t work. I lost 18 pounds, ate healthily (Paleo), slept well, tried not to stress, got acupuncture, and stayed thoroughly hydrated—all this and it didn’t work. Jacob was a great support, kept me laughing, and helped me keep my mind off things as much as possible; while he did an excellent job, it had no bearing on the embryo implanting and growing. I had lucky socks and stork leggings, but these symbols weren’t of any consequence in the eyes of fate. Friends and family also wore pink and blue socks to support me and Jacob through the transfer; while this was an awesome showing of love and support, unfortunately, none of it helped to sway the outcome. Most importantly, our embryo was normal and healthy and received good grades, yet this second round of IVF didn’t work.

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                                                         Our Round 2 Embryo

I don’t know what will happen next. I’m not sure when we’ll have another frozen embryo transfer. I’m not sure of anything, really.

These are the only words I can muster right now. When I try to talk about it or when someone tries to comfort me, I only cry more. I know you all are still praying/wishing/hoping/sending vibes and baby dust. I feel like I’m just stringing you all along on this ridiculously impossible road with no end in sight. I feel guilty for involving so many people and making you hopeful. I do appreciate all of your support more than you know. Thank you for reading, as always.

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About Nicole

I have my BA in English Education and am a lover of the arts. I’m part of a small, but fiercely devoted (and annoyingly close) family– and wouldn’t change that for the world. I'm lucky in love with the love of my life and am a step-mom to his two beautiful girls. I’m also a Paleolithic eater, a lover of all things organic, whole, and natural.

One response »

  1. My fellow IVF friend got me a mug after our sixth round of donor egg IVF failed that says “fuckity fuck fuck” – which pretty much wraps it up for me at least. I hate that there are others suffering through this as well.

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